You just can’t avoid writing something when a search term like “Tom Cruise Kills Oprah” pops up. It’s almost too good to be true. Of course, you’re wondering why they didn’t break into the morning game shows or why NBC didn’t immediately go into a 72-hour Oprah tribute or why you don’t see a low-speed chase on a California freeway featuring Cruise in the back of a Subaru BRAT (callback to yesterday’s post, sorry) with a resurrected L. Ron Hubbard driving. “I’ve got Tom in the back. He’s strapped in the jumpseat.”

Don’t panic. Oprah’s not really dead (at least not in the traditional, medical sense).

You can plainly see that this is a clever fake. If this had been real, Oprah clearly would have fought back with her own weapons that could include, but likely aren’t limited to: crushing piles of money dropping from the ceiling, zombified audience members devouring Tom’s skin, a caged (and rabid) Phil Donahue attacking Tom’s body and character, or flying books from her club a la Ghostbusters (”No human being would stack books like this”).

Either way, I’d say it’d be a fair fight.

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Posted on June 19th, 2008 by Jonathan - Everyone But You
Filed under: Celebrities, Uncategorized